How to ENCOURAGE your spouse run faster?

Late to this one, but I'd say just let her do her own thing. Be encouraging of every step she takes, and pump her up if she starts thinking about doing a little more---a little faster a little further, whatever. If she has a faster run or race than she expected, be sure and congratulate her. I like what Dot said about noticing her running faster, but not setting goals for her.

We do all run for different reasons. She may never decide to run faster. However, you do note that she is moving down the path of running further and faster, just in her own way. You'll have to let her decide for herself how far to take this running thing.

I think it is great you run together, but if she feels pressured to run faster to keep up, or if you get frustrated, be ready to let it go. I love to run with my family. The boys are much faster than I am anymore, though, so we just leave the house at the same time and meet up at the end. My husband and I go back and forth. Sometimes I am faster sometimes he is. I almost always want to run more than he does. I have learned in 20 years of marriage to go his pace, or let him beat me. If I need to run more or faster, I'll do it later.

You can pick your friends, you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friend's nose.



Seriously, the desire to get faster / improve must come from within her, not from external sources (you). Until she reaches that point, you need to be very careful. Discussing pace / her ability, before she wants to discuss it, could lead to disaster and turn her off completely. I know you mean well, but telling her she could be faster, in a loving way, could still be perceived as negative by her, especially if you've said it more than once. She needs to know that you love her for who she is, where she is / how fast or slow she is, and that you're thrilled that she's able / willing to run at all, let alone running a marathon. That's pretty much all I would recommend saying to her about her running skills. If she asks you if you think she can do a 5 hour marathon, say yes, you truly believe she can do it. Even if you think she can do much better than that, though, I'd keep it shut, unless she directly asks you. I think in this case, her desire to be faster will eventually form / surface, but you need to wait for that to happen and when it does, but gently supportive / encouraging. Until then, I would say enjoy her for where she is, because you can't make her want it.

Also, you could use a whip.

Once again, always good to get other's thoughts.



I shared the thread with Julie and she had a couple of comments:



1. She said, and I quote, "Matt, shut your word hole before I (Julie) shut it for you next time I see you". OK not really.



2. She did say that she was very appreciative of all the comments, and found herself giggling, especially at Julie's and Penelope's.



Long story short - we've agreed to split up.



Running that is, if she wants to go slower or if I want to push a bit.



At the end of the day, a valuable lesson.



Humbly yours,



Jack

Jack, you're a much more patient man than I am.

Matt, your ability to figure out what someone is thinking and feeling by what they type is truly amazing. I wish I had that skill, although I'd say you revealed much more about yourself in this thread than Jack did about himself.

Yeah, I should've replied once and moved on.



Point taken.

I made her giggle? Seriously, I remember running a marathon with a faster friend and at the end he was "encouraging" me and I told him to just go on without me. He refused and I was just more miserable because I felt like I was holding him back (I was newly pregnant and it was humid, both knees injured. He was running a slower pace than normal and feeling un injured with no baby in his tummy....wanna guess who felt better?).

Also, when I ran another marathon this Feb, I heard a man, I assume father, "encourage" a young woman the last few miles of a marathon. I wanted to just yell at him to leave her alone because she didn't feel well and wasn't really being encouraged by his words. Sigh. I think at the end of the day we all need to run our own races and I have certainly started marathons with friends and then split off whenever one of us felt the need to go faster or slower, no hard feelings.

Mr MattM wrote:

Jack_Scaff wrote:

I know she can be a little quicker if she did 2 things - believe that she could be faster and then try to be faster. But do I keep after her and irritate her, or do I just let her be?

Let's make sure I get this right...



You have resigned yourself to getting slower and seem to lack any motivation to improve, yet you would like to place that expectation of improvement on your wife?



Wow. Ok, then. There you have it.

Damn funny. Jack you said you were getting slower . . .